I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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