And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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