im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
