you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize