but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
