Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
