she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
