Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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