We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
