It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
