I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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