Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
