zippers are such a cool invention
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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