At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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