Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
COCAINE IS GR8
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
