I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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