he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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