Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
