when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
