Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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