Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So. Much. Porn.
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