she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize