we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
