What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize