i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
