In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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