I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
