After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
