Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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