im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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