just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
