I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
