Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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