I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
