Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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