she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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