Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
