My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
