Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
