Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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