roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
