I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize