My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
