It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize