i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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