I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
