If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
