Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize