oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
