i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
