i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
