I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
