jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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