So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
