Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
