Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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