are you still at the devil's house?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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