I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
