wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
