we have pet lesbian snakes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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