Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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