I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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