oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
