they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
