Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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