You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bring money and cleavage
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
