he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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