how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
