Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
