Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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