she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
