I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
