Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
