i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
