at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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