do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you traded sex for a burrito?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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