I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize