Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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