After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
