so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
