Got a toothbrush?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
