O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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