If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
