May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
