I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize