I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
