He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
