Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
