he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
