help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This house was built for laser tag.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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