At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i drank out of a bidet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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