Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
not ubering you a puppy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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