at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
