And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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