i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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