Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
