so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
